you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
