I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
