If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
