i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
