There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
