Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
