Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
