I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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