Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
