My hand turned me down
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
