I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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