Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
