So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
