nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
