why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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