tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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