I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
whose parrot is this?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
