Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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