We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you had me at cake vodka
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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