i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize