I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
