i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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