the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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