He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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