dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize