doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
