glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
