I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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