We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i permit you to call me
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
