I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
