Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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