Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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