Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
