My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
