Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
