she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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