I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I would ride that face into the sunset
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
