Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
