It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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