I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
