I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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