My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
