He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
