can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
