Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
