Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
