So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
