i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
