wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
