so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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