You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize