Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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