You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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