theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
