You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
