I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
