That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
