I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
