ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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