first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
