hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
