If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
