dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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