im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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