i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
