And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
