A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize