One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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