he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
