i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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