there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You took a bar mat shot.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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